I try not to get too into football. I actually call myself a “fan in-law” – I half-watch because it’s always, always (always) on during football season in our apartment, but I don’t let myself tune all the way in. It’s not because I don’t like sports…it’s actually the opposite. I can’t let myself get 100% sucked in because when I do, I have a Teen Wolf moment and transform from a fairly normal human being into a crazed, screaming, cursing monster like this:
Not disdainful, above-it-all Jerry, either. The fat hairy guy on the right. That’s what happens to me. It’s not pretty, so I try not to do it too often. This year’s Super Bowl will be easy for me to stay tuned out of, on account of its potential to be the most annoying Super Bowl in recent memory. Here are my reasons for wanting very little to do with this year’s Big Game:
- The “Har-Bowl.” Yeah, we get it. You’re brothers. You laugh alike, you walk alike, at times you even talk alike. You can lose your miiiiind…hey, speaking of losing one’s mind, here’s what Jim Harbaugh did when a call didn’t go his way in the NFC championship game against the Falcons:
- Ray Lewis. Oh, the aging hero retiring on a high note. Such a touching story. Less touching: the pompous, showy blowhard who actually thinks God cares if he wins a football game or not. I won’t even touch the unsolved murder thing from the 2000 Super Bowl. Also, the internet tells me he’s a terrible tipper, and we all know everything on the internet is true. This is what I would like to do to Ray Lewis:
- San Francisco fans. Remember when they threatened their own kick returner’s life after a bad game? Yaaaaay title town!
- The commercials aren’t even good anymore. Remember when it was actually worth tuning in just for the ads? Now you’re guaranteed three things: Danica Patrick shilling something she has most likely never used, a new e-Trade baby, and a bitter pill of disappointment.
- I have sour grapes. My/our team didn’t make the playoffs so this is all a defense mechanism to minimize the suffering of playoff football without a rooting interest.
All of the above aside, the one thing that always remains fun about the Super Bowl, regardless of who is or isn’t playing, is the food. Here are some easy, (mostly) healthy Baked In recipes that I think would work together to make a perfect vegetarian Super Bowl menu:
Classic Guacamole - always a crowd pleaser. Serve with chips or fresh-cut veggies to keep it light.
Roasted Red Pepper Hummus - serve alongside the guac with the same chips or veggies.
Cauliflower Buffalo “Wings” – because it’s the Super Bowl. Wings, man.
Vegetarian Five Bean Chili - the ultimate in filling, crowd-satiating one pot meals.
Chipotle-Cheddar Corn Muffins - if you’re having chili, you’ve got to have cornbread.
Portabello Salad with Maple-Mustard Dressing - just for the sake of having a salad.
Sopapilla Cheesecake Bars - so easy to make and handily feeds a large group. Everyone LOVES these.
No matter who you’re rooting for, good luck, eat well, and enjoy!*
*unless you’re rooting for the Ravens.